(Feelings and Reflections on Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying)

I once read about myself that I was “the Bulgarian Erica Jong”. I was ashamed, but I had to admit, that I had not read anything about this famous author. But I cannot deny that in Fear of Flying I read many analyzes, points of view and directions of thought that absolutely coincided with my own thoughts. The other themes and motifs in the book were quite different from mine.

There is no way to start without “zipless fuck» – a funny expression, really, which at the very beginning sets in the psycho-emotional motion and unrest that drives the whole novel.

“zipless-fucking is absolutely pure work. It is done without any back thoughts. Just fucking. The man does not “take” and the woman “does not give”. No one is trying to cheat or humiliate a woman. No one is trying to prove something or get something from the other. Unscrupulous fucking is the purest thing in the world. It is also more rare than a unicorn.”

In other words, this is pure, open and healthy sex – one that has been done by people since ancient times. But with this “give-and-take, cheating-humiliation” we immediately capture a rebellious woman struggling with heaps of stifling prejudices and cultural norms, as well as Freud’s influence. And it’s normal, as the novel came out in 1973 – at the time when Freudian theories were current and people were excited about them. The heroine (Isidora) asks herself the question

“What happens to marriage when there is no passion?”

and claims that

“Fucking with one man and thinking of another and keeping affair in secret – it was much, much more awful than fucking with another man in front of your husband “

Of course, it is because it is very unpleasant to cheat in your head, but it is also shocking for a married woman in the context of a time marked by more patriarchal rules to think this way. Isidora is different – she does not want children because she is not ready for it and has published a book. But her difference is attacked, perceived and denied by her family.

Although the heroine sounds too chaotic, emotional and confused, she frames three extremely important features for her female character, and I think it happens unknowingly. It is verbally described in the book, but it leaves in me the feeling of “inner blindness” – without full awareness.

First feature

“As if I knew exactly when to ovulate”

Knowing when to ovulate means to feel your feminine nature, to feel your body, to know your own self, and at the same time to know that everything is cyclical. It is an exceptional “feminine mechanism” related to life and death, birth and end, life in general.

The second feature is related to the diaphragm, which is

“The sacred object, the barrier between my womb and men”

You know, contraceptives are a revolutionary tool for women – through them they begin to decide for themselves whether or not to become pregnant, when, by whom. That is why they are called “holy object” because they give a new power to the woman, give her a choice, a dose of independence, courage, self-confidence. And in general, the topic of when a woman gives birth begins to be viewed differently (to the present day negatively deformed notion which means not have children at all, which is another topic, however).

And the third feature

“I seemed to live inside my own pussy”

This is one of the phrases I felt extremely close to 🙂

A female vagina is not just an organ – though as an organ it is more than exceptional. The pussy is like an opening to another world, it can transport woman to different spaces and give a woman unique sensations. And last but not least – it is power.

The expression shows an open, outspoken and courageous position of a woman who is not afraid to talk about her pussy without shame and embarrassment – at a time when this was atypical and outrageous.

But it is “living in a pussy” – as bold and interesting as it sounds, and realized by the heroine, is her great intricate inner drama. Because

“The big problem was how to reconcile our feminism with the insatiable hunger for male bodies”

What happens?

A woman wants independence from her husband, freedom, wants to break the shackles of the clichés that have ruled for so many years. It is about all the preconceived notions of the female being about her weakness, subordination, and secondaryness. However, my personal opinion is that it is also a cliché. And it always has been, not only from today’s point of view. Because a woman, because of her natural power, cannot be weak, even less inferior, or “minor” (in general, the theme of who is “more” and “less” I find unprecedentedly stupid in this aspect).

However, along with the desire for independence, there is also an absolute dependence on the man, on the male traits, on the male body. How to coexist with the desire to prove yourself as a power and the desire to obey? When there is a struggle between these two aspects, internal conflicts and intransigence cannot be ignored.

A woman’s ability to create life, strong intuition and a special sense make her unique – everything else is details, distorted cultural layers, wrong mental ideas.

Reading the anxieties of Erika Jong’s heroine, I felt comprehension, sympathy and sadness, I felt the drama in Isidora’s soul, her frustration, depression and outright anger. She crashes into the wrong stereotypes of the time she lives, feeling internally that they are stereotypes, but without being able to surpass them.

“I was about to become servile, sugar-sweet, nice and feel obedience: that is, the whole bundle of lies that – since the world exists – goes with femininity.”

How much insight there is in this phrase!

Of course, the idea of ​​femininity is not only an external “sugar” point, it is not only in the visible part! Everyone knows that womanhood (femininity*) may be ‘nice and kind’, but it can be sinister, cruel and ruthless …

I think there are three categories of women (figuratively speaking, of course) in the direction of these considerations:

– reconciled – those who feel the truth deep within themselves but they have lack of the ability, the strength, the desire to think about it;

– rebellious – those who violently oppose clichés and stumble to extremes;

– women “above” this – those who know the truth look at everything with understanding, a smile and a warmth of motherhood. They are in harmony with themselves and the world, they have reached an internal balance.

The desire for an Isidora not to have child is a symptom, and writing a book is the urge of the spirit to engage in rebellion against the norms in society.

However, along with the dramatic manifestations, there are too many fresh moments and funny phrases that show a free-spirited person floating around in the world of sexual adventures. For example:

“After all, I’ve fucked enough guys to know that one dick is not that different from the next one”

or

“Advice to abusive wives: always blame your husband first”

An invariably dynamic character like Isidora has to do something different, something crazy. Long torn by controversy, wandering and hesitation between two men, she must make a choice. She has to decide with whom to go on her journey and choose the safe but boring and sad space of existence (husband) or the unknown, uncertain but exciting and colorful (new man-thrill). She prefers the last one.

The beginning of a trip, staying in a motel and a life of a moment is chosen. Thoughts about the future are forbidden. Alcohol to forget – to forget their despair. Like getting drunk on an airplane to overcome

“Your fear of flying”

(I can also add the famous phrase here: “No one is an atheist on a flight in a storm”)

Trying to forget your despair is a sign that deep down you are feeling painful. Isidora realizes her own hopelessness and powerlessness and therefore finds solace in a life without purpose, without meaning, without deepening. The aimless wandering, the fucking and the lack of plans are the ones needed in the heroine’s direction (actually futility), which gives spacious and temporary peace to her soul without solving her inner dramas. It is a state of intoxication and surface in which you drift along in the drift without worrying about the complexities of life. Her new beloved does not give her any comfort because she is not capable of getting it herself. He is as she wants him to be, so she chooses him in the perfect match of her own rhythm. She prefers meaninglessness, false lightness and carelessness over serious, difficult, deep. In other words, Isidora follows her choice in a chaotic fusion of confusion and episodic enlightenment.

But aren’t we all often confused?

Aren’t we making weird choices?

The crazies are inherent in different people

“Exceptional people are often called crazy from the ordinary world”

and

“Everyone is a little crazy when you look in one`s head … just the question is how craze we are”

Among the very good reflections in the book that I felt close to my own feelings were those about the language, the power of words, and their magic. Isidora says that

“Language, by its very nature, sorts things out, and life is, in fact, made of disorder.”

An old truth. The Bible also builds order from chaos (I will go deep into this theme though).

The impact of words for me has always been extremely strong – throughout my life. The Word is really magic and has powerful energy. Erica Jong describes it greatly:

“I have always appreciated words and often made the mistake of believing far more in words than in action. My heart (and my pussy) can be given thanks to a meaningful phrase, a good verse, a pure poem, or a stunning poetic figure.”

However, there are not many erotic scenes in the novel. Or at least not as many as I wanted. I think the author likes to write about sex, but she wants to write about many other things at the same time. And there is an exciting mix of stories about fucking and human dramas, about women and men, about culture and literature, about books and beliefs, about normal families and psychoanalysts, about security and aimless wandering …

Overall, Fear of Flying is an interesting book with many insightful analyzes, dramatic moments and fun, fresh, direct means of expression.

And… I have questions for Erica Jong that I would personally want to ask her 🙂

 * femininity – this is my personal concept, with which I connect my ideas about woman and her femininity, in all aspects.

This text was created by Emma Tomova and has copyright.

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Photos: Pinterest and the Internet